HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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