I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
