my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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