escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
