Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
