why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
