Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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