I can text with my tongue
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
