I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
