Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Less talking, more tequila
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
