If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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