even my farts smell like vagina
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
this just has baby written all over it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
