i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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