happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
