I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
