no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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