I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
