Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
