I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I still have a little drunk in my system
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
