i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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