trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
