Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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