I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
