And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
