wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
