after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
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And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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