I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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