She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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