Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
