Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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