It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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