There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
