I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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