so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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