Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
