I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
