it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
