im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
