well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
