I wish I could teleport
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
