dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
