and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
