Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
