guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
