it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
