I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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