the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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