I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
