oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
