Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
