The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
