Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
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As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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