I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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