listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
