I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
