Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
