It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
