he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
