She's JV to your varsity
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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