Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
