I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
