guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I cannot find my penis.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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