I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Shame - the story of my life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
