How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
