I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
