franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
