those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
