Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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