i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
