chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
