someone threw a dead crab at me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
