I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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