3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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